Sex Ed

How was I supposed to know what it meant?

I mean there's blow jobs, hand jobs, tug jobs, strap-ons, hard-ons, money shots and 100 different things. Like I'm supposed to keep it all straight.

Everybody knows it was me too because Mike told Sarah. Mike knows because I asked him what it meant last week and he told me it was something you buy at a porno shop. Now Sarah told all her friends and the girls keep laughing at me in the hallway.

I hate Mr. Tunney too.

He just kept smiling and whispering to Miss Kemper, even after they'd gone on to the next question. Why do we even have to go to sex ed anyway, it's not like I'm going to need to know this stuff anytime soon. Especially now that everyone thinks I'm an idiot.

I've never even kissed a girl who wasn't my mom or my grandma, and it's not exactly like that's good practice for anything.

It was after they told us about wet dreams and showed us close ups of women with chlamydia. After the video of a baby coming out and the diagram of the penis. After they told us that condoms can break and lectured us about teen parenting.

It was after all of that when they passed out note cards and asked us to write any other questions we had and pass them to the front.

I almost didn't write anything, but they hadn't answered my question and I figured that nobody would know it was me anyway.

Miss Kemper collected all the cards and brought them to the front, and Mr. Tunney pulled out the first one and read the question.

"Can you get A.I.D.S from a toilet seat?"

"No," said Miss Kemper. "That's a common misconception, but it would be almost impossible to get A.I.D.S., or any other sexually transmitted disease for that matter, from a toilet seat."

"Alright gang, next question," Mr. Tunney said as he pulled the next card out of the basket.

"Is it true that if you masturbate you can go blind?" No. "When you're having sex can your penis break?" Yes. "Are fake boobs really filled with air?" No...and on and on until finally I saw Mr. Tunney pull out my folded note card.

He started laughing right away when he read it, and then he showed it to Miss Kemper. She started blushing and smiling, but was trying not to show it. I don't get what's so funny about it and I bet a lot of other kids didn't know what it meant either.

How am I supposed to know what Love Handles are, it sounds like it should be dirty.